You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
