I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
