where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
