It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
