he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need moral support for this bender
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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