Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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