I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
