He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
