no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
