So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
