I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
