Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
