Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
