I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
