come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
