just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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