P.S. I can't hear my feet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
