Who did Billy Mays play for?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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