I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm passing your future prison.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
