she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
