it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
