I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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