I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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