I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
