3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
