What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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