Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
