She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
