I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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