I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
