I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
