Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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