I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
