I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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