I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
