I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
