i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
