i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
