she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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