He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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