first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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