He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
