So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
