I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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