He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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