idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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