dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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