I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
