An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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