I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
