Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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