So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
