**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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