I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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