Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
