Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
