And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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