matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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