Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize