Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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