he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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